> I still feel like I have been hit in the stomach and that I don't matter anymore, that I should not of started any of this and I was a fool to think I was worth it.

I think that your therapists comment that you could wait 5 years was meant to convey the notion that you can take all the time you need to be ready for this. I think maybe he was trying to take some of the pressure off you. You don't need to do this until you are ready, there is no rush.

I understand that if nobody wanted to hear what we had to say before... That the comment could be taken to indicate that he didn't want to hear now. I'm not sure that that is how he intended it to be taken... But I do think that it speaks to the notion that it might be better if you could do some more groundwork stuff on building trust with him and expanding your coping skills. It isn't that you aren't worth sorting out all this stuff it is more that you are WORTH SO MUCH that you need to look after and take care of yourself so that you are able to cope with doing the work instead of it spiralling you into non-functioning / a great deal more pain.

It the insurance company okayed more visits maybe it is that he realises that you are able to take some time to really build up some coping strategies. DBT doesn't have to be done formally... The idea is more that your therapist helps you function well now and have some good coping strategies (e.g., distraction activities, soothing activities, good rapport and basic trust in him) such that doing the work won't throw you quite so much. DBT is a formal program for doing that, but it doesn't have to be done formally. I think it is more about focusing on issues of current coping (e.g., how to distract yourself from and / or soothe yourself when you are experiencing flashbacks etc). The notion is... That one has a choice. One is able to distract from them if one needs / wants to (e.g., to be able to function at work) but that it isn't solely about avoidance / denial / dismissal of the feelings because one learns how to sit with the feelings (without them being as upsetting) too. Balancing acceptance of a painful emotional state with change of that emotional state and having the power to do whichever you decide. If you can cope better with that stuff then you will be better positioned to gently start delving into the past. If delving into the past throws you off then one can return to focusing on here and now coping strategies until one is better placed to return etc. Cartharsis in the absence of coping strategies doesn't lead to integration. It leads to reinforcing the dissociation / avoidance. It leads to... Unnecessary stress.

> I feel like I am 8 again, and I can't say what I want......if I do, then bad things happen.........

Can you tell him how you feel?