So many different reactions.

I stopped myself short of my first suicide attempt. I had a plan that I beleive would have worked solidly, had all of the ingredients and props activated, but decided at the last minute to call a hotline. The hotline didn't help much but it showed me that a part of me wanted to live, this after months in emotional and physical pain, going downhill, and planning suicide.

When I got to the hospital I felt very relieved on several counts:

First, that I'd listened to that tiny part of me that wanted to live and that I'd done so before completing my act of suicide.

Second, the hospital was an LGBT ward. I had been in the closet so being around other LGBT people was a new experience for me and was very comfortable for me.

Third, I found that the idea of going into the hospital was really scary in terms of not being able to go to work or fulfill obligations. However (and another post here reminded me of this recently) I found that being forcibly* taken away from those obligations for a short period of time was truly freeing and allowed me to get the help I needed without all of the anxiety producing obligations. They were all still there waiting for me to take care of them afterward but I was able to do so when I was in a more stable frame of mind to do so. It took me some time to get back on top of things but I was able to do so slowly at my own pace without feeling overwhelmed any longer.

(* I don't mean that I was forcibly taken to the hospital. I went in voluntarily and took myself. I mean that once I went in there was no way to continue to work or pay bills for two weeks so I ceased to worry about them temporarily. I dealt with the bills once I was released and dealt with work some time afterward.)