Still feeling sick of life, trying to remember that other people have things worse, although that doesn't really make life any better. Decided to go ahead and take the higher dose of meds prescribed but I don't want to, because coming off of them someday will be hellish.

Doing what I can but I've run out of ideas of how to be a better mom. We started counseling together but he's not at all interested in it, at least he has to go for now and I hope we get something out of it. I want to believe that someday he's going to be a good responsible adult, that is all that I have left that I really worry about.

I had a fairly good weekend with my bf, seems he has heard me lately and is showing that he wants this to work. I still have anxiety about us, things I can't even mention here. I knew a relationship wouldn't solve things or be the reason I'd get out of this depression, but I also still feel like something big is missing in this. I just can't figure out what it is.

I'm also missing people that left here, but, I hope they are doing well and that's all I can do. Take care everyone as best you can.