Taonuviel -- I don't think you can know. Until someone has a lock on knowing what the future is, no one can ever know how things are going to turn out.

I wish you were better having better results from your meds. It took so long to find a medication cocktail that worked for me.

Becoming involved with work that is absorbing has helped me very much. My identity is so involved with being professionally productive. Not mention making money to relieve financial stress and worry, which is a depression trigger. The few books I've consulted on depression put having a purpose that gives life meaning near the top of the "To Do" list. I found that desperately hard. Philosophical discussions about serving others don't do it for me. I have a very narrow, apparently self-centered focus on what makes me happy -- doing something I like and earning money doing it.

I think you've got to keep plugging at this, Tao, just the way you have been. It takes a lot of grit and courage just to get up the morning, brush your teeth, bathe and eat well when you are in the dark places where we both have been.

Find small things to comfort you. A cup of tea. A colored leaf blowing down the street. It's hard, but other choice is there?

In the end, every day, you get a choice whether you are going to "act as if" you are going to commit suicide, or to "act as if" you are going to feel better and better as time passes. And to fake it til you make it.

I wish I could do more to help, sweetie. (((((((((((((Tao)))))))))))))))))))