Okay I'm starting to feel like my head is spinning and I'm losing it. They treat me very oddly at work, it's hard to ignore. I cannot figure out what kind of power the trainer guy has, normal trainers don't have this kind of power. There is an interest, but at the same time I'm getting very apprehensive and nervous about the whole thing. I am really trying to do my job to the best of my ability. But the wackiness is getting to me.

Desk: Better than my manager, like a ton better. He's in a little desk in the midst of the chaos. I'm at the end, bigger space, near a window. Quiet, bright, nice.

Assistant manager (newbie to lead position), apologized to me, for telling me my doc was not in compliance. Unusual. Managers don't apologize they say this is wrong, fix it. She did not give me the replacement doc I needed, still getting access to what she needs really. So I asked the trainer (guy who professed to love me, tells me I'm extra special, whispers in my ear as I walk by how beautiful I am (not really but ok). Within minutes, there he is, docs in hand. Johnny on the spot!

Supervisor (a male) tells me I need to ask other supervisors these questions, but in a way that has me say. I don't know who they are. A few minutes later, he's like don't worry about it just ask me. (but an e-mail or phone call happened before the turn around).

Now I know this trainer guy really likes me, why I have no idea. Like I said he's a health nut, I'm fat. Sure I'm friendly, bubbly, etc. I have developed a winning personality. Why? Because I used to be the beautiful girl, the one no one liked, no one talked to, everyone hated. I got fat, learned a few skills, and now people love me. I really used to think I had no personality, I worked hard to develop one.

Truth is I'm so attracted to that guy, it's unnerving. He may have gray hair (premature in my opinion my dad was 60's before his hit). However, I'm also so afraid of the power he has. I mean people do what he says, he's the TRAINER! VP's come to his training class? HUH? One day people are telling me he's wacky, and odd duck, the next they're treating me like someone of importance because they have seen that he has an interest in me. If they are an unmarried male (in an age range he thinks I am) they are distancing themselves from me.

The only one treating me seemingly normal is the actual manager, who is married.

Really I know I need to stop trying to understand this, this type of analyzing is why I went crazy in the first place, only than it was my life I was trying to comprehend. I need to let go and let God. How can I do that? My friends don't even want to talk to me about him. None of them. I have 3 close girlfriends, and have reached out to about 5 regarding this situation, even reached out to my mom. No one has given me any kind of insight. Not even my mother!