Today was a good day but right now I feel a little sick. Like slurped and burped and my head wants to cry. I forgot that some of my... well friends because they invite to parties some months and they treat me very well, helped a guy move out and I said I would help, but I was so preocuppied with my work, with my anxiety, with my teaching and the exam for the National Examination and my bank account that I forgot. I asked a friend, a person whom I known for 8 years but that right now I feel have nothing in common and whom I haven't seen or spoke in around 4 weeks, about today moving. I got a group of what's and I didn't remember.

I saw it around 7pm after my swimming class and I feel awful, more because I feel like I'm getting alone again. That I'm throwing away this people who are my only connection to socialization because I'm "busy" and that made me feel sick. That I try to communicate with my friend but he always left me hanging in Face and seems that our times never concurr. That I'm not doing my duty in trying to mantain this friendship when I'm the one alone in need and he has so many groups, friends and girlfriend.

I feel alone. And the fact that I don't realize it scares me. I was completely alone in my other city for over 8 years and I know that it's unhealthy. that can hurt me and destroy so many changes. And I went to a party the other month but all of may and june not a single word to anybody else.

What's wrong with me? How do they manage to have work, life and still party? How can... gods I feel tired and sad. I feel so unwelcome and want to cry even when... I don't want to cry, I dont' want to ruin today but I feel almost sick.

I don't know how to make friends. I don't know how to go out, how to "make connections" or find somebody with my interests. I think I don't even know my interests and beside reading or hearing books, I sufr tumblr and 9gag and who does that in Mexico? I feel so unworthy and alone with only my brother upstairs whom I don't speak and my mother deciding to pass another three days out.

I... want to go to sleep. Yet I know that tomorrow morning is when my pains flare out, with my anxiety. So right now I have my depression and tomorrow I can get my terror and guilt and shame.

I... dint' think that today was going to be this way. I thought that after swimming I was going to be ok. I can't talk to anybody about this because I don't want to sour my mother travel and I don't want to bother my therapist.

Haaa