OMG

10pm? 10 pm!!
what in the heck ...

i thought it was still daylight outside

what is the deal? i have major brain damage or something -.-

i hope that i remember to tell the therapist that i might be dieing :/

i think i tried to tell my case manager years ago that i might have brain cancer or something and she kinda just chuckled, but i cant really remember - my mom was there and she told me about that - i wonder if i really do though ..

would suck to be dieing and too spaced out to even know/notice, wouldnt it?

if i can remember to say something maybe she can atleast tell me that im probably not dieing, atleast im not being so super obsessive over having to know what is going on with me.. but im just super out of it, really cant believe its 10pm already.... that means in just another second i'll have to lay down and TRY to go to sleep, AGAIN

i feel like i never get to do anything anymore

edit::
is it possible to have like a breathing disorder where you simply dont breathe enough so your brain does not get adequate oxygen? which might cause what im experiencing??
sometimes it seems like maybe im not breathing, or not breathing enough... but i probably am but just so spaced that i dont even realize it - just thinking that maybe my brain is just dieing and i would like to help it if i could ??

kind of feel like i would be fainting and stuff though if it was that, i must be appearing totally normal to everyone around me though because no one has said anything at all, like nothing is going on, but on the inside i feel like theres much happening, why people cant see i dont know.. if i was dieing they probably would notice, im assuming :/

kind of would like to know what it feels like to be happy before i die though, thats not too unreasonable is it?

dont rock the boat i guess, i've just always had an unhealthy relationship with being totally obsessed with knowing everything.. really drives me bonkers being confused about something, but this confusion goes so far beyond because its me.. confused about things that are supposed to be very simple.. maybe if i could remember things i would have all the answers..

sorry about rambling, just writing thoughts down i guess