im just being weird for some reason

not like any of this is new, not sure why its jumping out at me so much ..
its hard for me to keep up with what day /month it is too.. just wish there was a way to make the brain work a little better, if i had a smartphone i could use those tools and stuff on there but i dont even want a phone right now because i dont want people calling me trying to talk to me!!

im too busy talking to myself at the moment to be answering phone calls

i think its just the part of me that really needs to know everything, but i dont really know what it is right now.. and its just irking my nerves, but i guess thats understandable.. to keep waking up on different days and feeling like ... well... dunno how to put that feeling into words... but things always the same and nothing changing and i still dont know anything - but clearly its a different day and im just as lost if not more lost than ever

guess thats why im making myself go back to therapy... maybe if i ask nicely she'll tell me what the first therapist said to me or what i told her so i can know why i stopped going to therapy in the first place??
wish i didn't quit it back then... i might know what in the world is going on by now :/

i hate going out there though, outside and out to public and being around other people, just prefer to stay to myself in my room and not talk to anyone... talking is so blah, much less talking about things really really dont want to talk about - even think about - or remember, which i really cant remember anyway because i keep forgetting

just hope that i dont wake up tomorow and it be 2017
such a weird feeling...

but i have survived this long, surely things are just fine...