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Hello JuniperJuna: I'm sorry you have not received any replies to this post. I don't know as I have much of anything useful to suggest here. But I noticed that no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.
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Thanks! Your reply was very useful to me.
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From what you wrote, it sounds like there is no simple solution to this problem. It seems to me this is a situation best addressed with the help of a skilled family therapist. Ideally you, your partner, & his son would participate. But if that is not possible, it may still be of benefit if you go alone.
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I agree, we wanted to arrange that but it turned out to be impossible. As the mother also needs to agree and sign for permission (for her son to go to therapy). I am pretty frustrated about that because she refuses to give him permission, also to go to therapy alone. I think its insane that a 15 year old cannot get help if he wants to, because his mothers says no.
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The only other thing that occurs to me is to establish a schedule whereby your partner's son stays in each home for specific periods of time... weekly, monthly, etc. And he must stay at the home he's scheduled to be at.
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I agree to that also, that is a very good idea I think. We thought about it and tried to talk to him about it 2,5 weeks ago. He did not want a schedule, he wanted to freely choose when to go to mom and when to go to dad. I can see why, its much easier to get your way then. But we did not accept that, we asked him to think about a schedule, and tell us what days he wants to be with us and with her.
He did not think about it when we asked him 1,5 week later, so we asked him again to think about it. 2 days later we asked again and, again, he did not answer our question.
So,.. we made a schedule. Two weeks of 'building', and after that a normal schedule again.
At first he got angry about it and really difficult, but later on he agreed to it and asked his mother if it was ok to do it this way.
She did not reply for two days, but now she did (just got a message), no idea what her reply is but we will see..
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As far as the problems he brings up, perhaps he should see a counselor or therapist of his own with whom he can work. If the therapist determines that there is reason to think there is actual abuse occurring, it would presumably be the therapist's job to report this to the appropriate authorities.
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Yes that is a very good idea. We thought so too, it would be good if he has a place where we can talk about everything he wants. And also a place where he can go when he feels his mother is crossing the line/going too far. That would create some 'safety' for him because a therapist would indeed be expected to report it when things are not healthy anymore.
But.. we encountered the same problem here as above. Both the father and mother have to sign for permission, and when we asked her she just ignored us. It has been 8 weeks now and still no signature.
He does get some school counseling now.. they decided not to wait for the signature so that is great. But they really can only help him partly, when its concerning school.
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Of course, this could backfire. Your partner's son could well make up stories about you & your partner as well as with regard to his mother. It would be important to have things set up so that the therapist can check in with your partner & his son's mother as well.
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Yes, true, but I am not truly worried about that. They are very welcome to investigate everything they need, come to our home, talk to us etc. We do not mind at all. She does though, which sort of indicates (I feel) that she is at the least hiding 'something'. But not sure what.
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Beyond this, the other thing that occurs to me is to simply tell your partner's son that he must work out the difficulties he has with his mother... with his mother. And, if his stories suggest there is abuse of some kind occurring, tell him that you will henceforth contact the appropriate authorities. So it is important that he be truthful. Then follow though as necessary.
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This is a very good idea and we decided to do this. As soon as he is in contact with his mother again, we will discuss this with him.
It will be difficult to find a therapist that can work with him without her signature, but we can at least send him to our GP. She cannot 'do' anything, but she is, like a therapist, someone that 'has' to report if its needed.
And she is a friendly, calm and warm personality.
I do think his mother crosses the line sometimes gets way to angry, and does things that are truly not helpful with a teenager. But I do not believe the enormity that he would like us to believe. It would be 'really' good for him if he starts to realize and feel that he is responsible for his stories.
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Perhaps other members, here on PC, will yet reply with better suggestions. I wish you well... 
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Your reply was way more helpful then you give yourself credit for. Its really good to read another person perspective and thoughts. It helps me to see that our own thoughts where maybe not that odd.
We had a bit of a struggle with him yesterday evening, he is quite difficult at the moment. He came home way too late and just walked in as if nothing had happened (we had been really worried).
So we talked to him about it and he just behaved as if we where annoying and played games on his phone. Then he said a rude type of sorry, just to be done with it and became really angry when he did not get away with that.
This is just normal teen behavior, I know that
but sometimes these type of situations do give me insight about how he might be behaving there with his mother. I think he is far worse there.
So partly I do understand her frustrations. Her actions are not the best, but I do get that she is really tired of it.