Dear T,

(sorry for multiple emails) we can talk about this Friday)

I wrote this:



Then I realized this yesterday:
Also, not only was I not helped afterward, (except for PrevT. She tried to help me),

I was shamed.
I was actively shamed...by my family.
I felt shame with my therapist, my attorneys, AbusivePdoc's attorneys, medical licensing board investigators, Medicare/Medicaid, medical doctors, medical personnel...even in the hospital by staff and other patients.

I can't think of anyone or any time I didn't feel shame.

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THEN, I lost the huge giant civil case....it was horrible trying to tell my family...and explain it. Can you imagine?

And the criminal case was thrown out.

I put so much work into the all the legal/civil/med lic. Board/ Medicare-Medicaid cases. Then I had to admit to family what I did, what I let him do, tolerate the shame... Tolerate their embarrassment.

Then I LOST.

No civil or monetary validation, no legal validation. Confirmation for me and family that I screwed up. Legal/civil courts agreed.

Even my own lawyer was mad at me.

I was/am destroyed.

I think I would have recovered a little better if I had just won prevailed in the criminal case or just won that damn civil case.
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THEN, PrevT moved on. She changed jobs. She referred me to her colleague, J. J tried, but wasn't helpful because I was grieving PrevT.

After a while, maybe a few months of starting with J, I had to move back here.

Then I went fifteen years refusing to find a therapist. I just would not do it. I refused to try to see anyone.

So, nothing got processed.

And here we are.