My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dear T: I Need To Tell You Something... Part XVIII

junkDNA · Jun 14, 2016, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by precaryous

Dear T,

(sorry for multiple emails) we can talk about this Friday)

I wrote this:

Possible trigger:

It's hard for me to know how I feel about my experiences because I didn't understand I was being exploited at the time....for a long time. That makes it difficult for me to think of it as rape...because, to me, rape is vaginal rape or **** rape against ones wishes. I didn't say, "no." Rape is saying, "no," getting away and calling the police. Rape is being rescued, comforted, the hurt acknowledged and taken to the hospital- where everyone acknowledges you were raped against your will.

Then I realized this yesterday:
Also, not only was I not helped afterward, (except for PrevT. She tried to help me),

I was shamed.
I was actively shamed...by my family.
I felt shame with my therapist, my attorneys, AbusivePdoc's attorneys, medical licensing board investigators, Medicare/Medicaid, medical doctors, medical personnel...even in the hospital by staff and other patients.

I can't think of anyone or any time I didn't feel shame.

---
THEN, I lost the huge giant civil case....it was horrible trying to tell my family...and explain it. Can you imagine?

And the criminal case was thrown out.

I put so much work into the all the legal/civil/med lic. Board/ Medicare-Medicaid cases. Then I had to admit to family what I did, what I let him do, tolerate the shame... Tolerate their embarrassment.

Then I LOST.

No civil or monetary validation, no legal validation. Confirmation for me and family that I screwed up. Legal/civil courts agreed.

Even my own lawyer was mad at me.

I was/am destroyed.

I think I would have recovered a little better if I had just won prevailed in the criminal case or just won that damn civil case.
---
THEN, PrevT moved on. She changed jobs. She referred me to her colleague, J. J tried, but wasn't helpful because I was grieving PrevT.

After a while, maybe a few months of starting with J, I had to move back here.

Then I went fifteen years refusing to find a therapist. I just would not do it. I refused to try to see anyone.

So, nothing got processed.

And here we are.

I don't see how they could throw out the criminal case. That is abhorrent. Civil suits against insurance companies that insure Ts and MDS are so ****ed up. My former Ts insurance had a clause that they will not pay out for anything involving sexual malpractice. How can they do that? How is that legal...

I am sorry this happened to you. I feel it should be illegal in all states. It's not in mine. I hope your T knows how brave you are ... I do. For reporting him and for going thru with all that other stuff even though it didn't serve justice. It takes so much courage. Also, even just talking abt it with another T and also posting here. Brave. It was hard for me to hear those words so I understand if it's hard for you as well. I'm here for you

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