Hey all,

I post sporadically here when my life is really kind of confusing. It is right now. If anyone gives a flip, they can check out my past posts on my relationship with my mother. It was complicated, to be sure. She was depressed and untreated and extremely narcissistic. It wasn't easy being her daughter.

Well, she went into the hospital in December due to a massive stroke. She had had small ones before over the years. She died in March in NOVA, a place she certainly did not want to spend her last days. I got to see her just before she died. I made peace with her. It has been very difficult. I began my therapeutic journey 3 yrs ago in NOVA to address all these mommy issues. When I moved to TX, I immediately got a new therapist to continue to work on this stuff.

I seem to keep having setbacks in life. I'll go 1 step forward, 2 steps back. My current therapist has been helping me for a solid two years. I took some time off from a group I go to weekly, and my therapist. I was just tired. I didn't want to continue to examine my feelings, so I decided to take a break.

So here's the meat of the whole thing; I want to tell my therapist -who I see as a kind of maternal figure- that I love her. I don't know why I want to do this, but I do. It just popped into my head the other day. And it's true. She's been there for me for a long time. I've never stuck with therapy consistently before these past few years. I've grown a lot under the current counselor and with the last one in VA. The one in VA did the initial breaking through of my defenses.

I've never told a therapist about my feelings for them outside of expressing gratitude for their hard work and patience. Does anyone have any insight into why I have this urge now? And, is this even appropriate? She already knows that I view her as a mother figure -if my momma had been white and a ginger! ha ha ha

So thoughts on this would be appreciated.