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Originally Posted by IceCreamKid
You sound like quite a catch.
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Yeah, on paper I sound good I think.

I'm either
HORRIBLE at conveying it (and I haven't found anyone to help me write a profile that does it right

) or I'm so so ugly that no girl will ever swipe me right, etc. I don't think I'm bad looking, and my friends have told me I'm a good looking guy, but I'm taken aback at just how much of a dating failure I am these days. I was never a Casanova, but I used to be on the radar of at least
some members of the opposite sex. I see similar guys to myself around me with attractive, seemingly normal girlfriends and think, "What are they doing that I'm not?".
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Do you have any friends who can fix you up? That seems to be out of fashion, but I still think it's worth it to let your friends know you are interested in meeting someone.
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No. I awkwardly (and it
is awkward) go through that cycle of asking every few years. Ninety-five percent of the time they don't know anyone (or maybe anyone who would consider me in return) who's single... and on the rare occasion they do, it's someone not even close to lifestyle/compatible with. I got a lot of friends that wouldn't even think about that sort of thing (setting up a friend). It's generally girls who do that, and I don't have a lot of friends who are girls. I don't have a lot of friends. I mean, I'm fine with that, but it doesn't help matters.
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You said you quit drinking--was drinking a problem?
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Yeah, it was getting to be an issue. I drank
a lot back when I was unemployed/freelancing and in a band in Portland and that's how I really got into it / built up a tolerance... but that was intentional and for fun generally, not really as a coping mechanism. But, as the company that I was working for here in Scottsdale over the last year or so spiraled down through venture capital injection after bridge loan after venture capital injection after bridge loan, it got really stressful. Layoffs were imminent. I felt like finding someone was going to be predicated on my having a job (I'm having enough trouble with women, they won't even think about a guy looking for work) and my stress levels were through the roof. One of my co-worker friends (he finally left the company himself) is a borderline alcoholic, and I drank a lot out with him and a few others... then came home and drank more, three, four, five nights a week.
Anywho, when I got laid off, I just quit cold turkey. I've had a couple at events with family, but there's nothing in my apartment, I don't drink at bars anymore (I rarely even bother and go), concerts, parties, etc. Getting my brain to want to stay asleep at night is a bit of a struggle, but I'm 100% happy with it otherwise. I was an expensive drunk, so it saves me money, time, heath, and sanity.

I tuned up my Racillio espresso machine and that's my poison once a day.
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Are there alumni events you can attend or become involved in? What about some sort of volunteer work that is likely to draw eligible singles?
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No. No alumni stuff. My Alma Mater was a private school that doesn't do any of that stuff really, and went on to host different majors a few years after I graduated. It's not even the same set of fields anymore. Also, my specialty as an industrial designer has a very weak industry presence here, so none of the orgs do much of anything. It's a very male-centric career anyway. An IDSA event is not the type of place you could ever hope to meet someone without a Y chromosome... ha ha!
I don't do any volunteer work, but I have gone to all sorts of Meetup events in the past that interest me, as well as the singles ones, ones for shy people, professionals groups, etc. They've all been quite disappointing. I think a lot of it is Arizona, though. Everyone with normal friends gets what they need out of their cliques doing what they do, so Meetups end up people who are antisocial/workaholics/etc. that want to regulate their exposure to other people. These things don't really draw in the regular type of people that fit the prescribed activity. Like if I go to the open mic Meetup, it's not the type of normal muso crowd that would be at Crescent Ballroom for a show. It's like a support group for casual hobbyists, and I feel like like a pretentious hipster who's going to yap on about music they've never heard of. I'm really out of place. Again,
maybe it's Arizona, but I've had very bad luck with organized events. Singles groups range from seeking second marriages to (moreso) retired / empty nesters. I'm not award around people, I'm pretty socially capable actually (I couldn't do my job if I wasn't), but I know when I don't fit the crowd.