I've been taking a great big step (yesterday and today) and have finally posted about what happened to me that sent me into the severe case of PTSD and depression that has left me disabled. (I posted my story over in two other threads in the PTSD forum.)
I've actually had many traumatic experiences throughout my life, going as far back as when I was a toddler. Despite this, I remained largely functional, and after some stumbles, achieved a relatively good quality of life and was financially independent. But what began to happen to me years ago (being stalked) during the time I was trying to change careers, ultimately left me with such severe PTSD, I am now barely even functional.
Possible trigger:
The primary thing that makes me so skittish about posting/talking about this is that no one believed me when I told them what was going on (the stalking). They instead believed I was delusional. So much so, I was eventually arrested (also extremely traumatic), then diagnosed as schizophrenic and committed to a hospital by a Pdoc who never even spoke to me. There, they doped me up on Haldol, making it impossible for me to communicate about much of anything.
To make a very long story short, after a month, I was sent to a residential community for people with MI. After a year, they took me off the Haldol. Once I became lucid again, I was able to start gradually telling my story, demonstrating that I'm quite rational.
Soon, my then T believed me about the stalking. Eventually, so did my sister. My new Pdoc also believes me.
Even though people believe me now, it is very difficult to share about this. I was already traumatized enough by being terrorized for so long--and it hasn't let up yet, either. But to be practically kidnapped (being arrested), imprisoned (in treatment centers) and drugged for a year because of it has made me so much sicker.
And it makes me afraid to be honest about what's been going on for so long as I fear I will be not believed again, and traumatized even further because of this.
What gave me the courage to post the whole story, yesterday and today, was that another member posted in the PTSD forum about a similar experience. I was amazed because I'd never heard of anyone else experiencing this very particular type of abuse, even though I've read lots of books and articles about stalking. (There's countless ways someone can stalk and harass you, and I'd never read anything quite like what I have experienced.) Moreover, this woman is also not being believed by those around her. And boy can I relate to that!
Anyway, that's my story about starting to tell my story. I'm sure I'll remain skittish about opening up about this for a very long time, perhaps always. But this is a beginning. Baby steps.....
Hang in there, everybody.
--Ceara1010