It was kind of like that I think. There was a lot of fear. EMDR has phases and there's work before the reprocessing starts. I felt very " stuck ' - the trauma had become so repetitive and overwhelming that I couldn't process it. And I guess a part of me did want only that. It's like a can of worms that you want to keep the lid on , and the can is under pressure. Is the feeling the not knowing what the outcome will be when you take the lid off the can , or that you will remember something ? I see people on here close to breakthroughs , but they fear feeling the feelings will destroy them. I feel like saying " No , you'll be OK ! ". But its that fear. EMDR is difficult as any trauma work is. It's like opening doors , yes , I thought of it like being like lock gates , you don't open them all at once because you get a flood , you open them slowly and carefully. It's also a bit like having a washing machine that doesn't really work properly. You'll put stuff in and get a bit of processing but the dirty washing will back up. It's like getting the machine working properly , you'll put the washing through , and then you'll go back and put through the earlier dirty washing.