ahhh i found it, Dorsal Vagal - and Sympathetic .. ... ?
Dorsal Vagal Shift
i really dont understand how to take notes on any kind of shift in feeling or emotion because ... i feel so weird... so different... i dont know what im feeling, i feel many things but nothing at all, like i have no feeling but i have many feelings else where... like the type of feeling you have when watching a movie, those arent your feelings but you feel them, but when the movie goes off and you dont think about it they are not there, no feelings are there, until your memory is sprung and triggered and you feel many things from that movie again.. ??
but when i slip completely into the movie they become mine, then it is me...
i dont know what to write in the journal to show to her, i dont know how im feeling because im contradicting myself left and right and invalidating everything that goes through my mind - to be honest i think when she tryed to help me through the grounding exercise -- it seem like i became really hypnotic, like i didnt quite feel relaxed, i just felt really ... i really am not sure how to describe these feelings...
everything became unreal, even more so... and i was worried, i couldnt believe that i was really sitting there talking to someone, but i was curious and wanted to.. but after that i really wasnt able to talk very much, i dont think i said anything else the whole session besides agreeing with things and saying things like ok, that sounds good, i can do that, yeah, ok, and the famous -- i dont remember... im not sure...
with a strange voice so far away..
i thought grounding exercise was supposed to pull you down into your body and help you gain control, not make you lose control and become hypnotic..?
but apparently i hypnotize myself constantly, just have never been aware of it - or if i was aware i didnt care about it
what does she mean by write down when i feel myself shift from sympathetic to dorsal vagal? how does that feel..? i told her i never have any sympathetic type category emotions - but i do they are just all constantly inverted, internal... but these feelings seem to happen at the same time and im just feeling really stupid because i dont know how its possible... how could it even be physically possible... so that just leaves me feeling like a dumb faker, it cant be possible so im just exaggerating things, but why am i doing that? this sucks...
i have no clue what to do, even if i did try to take notes on it like sifting through some shifts.. it would be thousands of notes a day because its constantly moving like a flowing stream of... just miserable,
no wonder i cant feel anything and live in a bubble outside of time and reality..
i mean, how can opposites exist with each other? within and of each other?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-emotions-once
Quote:
8. Aporia
You know that feeling of crazy emptiness you get when you realize that something you believed isn't actually true? And then things feel even more weird when you realize that actually, the thing you believed might be true and might not — and you'll never really know? That's aporia. The term comes from ancient Greek, but is also beloved of post-structuralist theorists like Jacques Derrida and Gayatri Spivak. The reason modern theorists love the idea of aporia is that it helps to describe the feeling people have in a world of information overload, where you are often bombarded with contradictory messages that seem equally true.
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10 Psychological States You've Never Heard Of ? And When You Experienced Them
i dont know whats happening to me... this is still just a dream, a nightmare waiting to be awoken..
try to explain these feelings to someone and they look at you like you're just a little b*t* ... i cant say what i dont know... maybe a good scream will convey the message
maybe i should just write my own .. um... whatever emotional whatever categories and use them instead since my emotions or feelings or whatever those things are, are just crazy ... maybe, mad mans rantings.. -.- whatever -.-
im so tired... nightmares all night... gotta love seeing people you care about getting
what a mind... what insanity
this is me
