My husband has been struggling with alcohol addiction and (I suspect) possible depression issues. And before anyone asks, yes, I have tried to convince him countless times to consider counseling and medication. He won't go for it. We have also discussed alcohol treatment many times. He was recently sober for almost three weeks but relapsed this past weekend.

Today, we were talking and he confessed to me that he's not sure he wants to be alive any more. I asked if that means he was suicidal or considering killing himself and he said no. This was after I asked why he's been so morbid and asking my thoughts on the afterlife lately. He also said he hopes there's no life after death so that everything is just "over" once a person dies. When I asked what he means by this, if not suicide, he said he doesn't know. And that he regrets telling me because he knew I would freak out.

We are both widowed. That's how we met--at an online community for widowed people. We both know the horrible pain of losing a spouse. I am very angry and hurt now because I can't believe he'd be willing to put me through that again. I'm of the opposite mind. For instance, cancer runs in my family and I stand a high chance of getting it too, and if that happens I plan to fight as hard as I can and get every treatment available to me for my husband's sake--so he can have as much time with me as possible. I'm very upset that he doesn't seem willing to reciprocate. I take his statement to mean that if he got sick, he would simply let nature (death) take its course without regard to the feelings and well being of those who love him.

Back in March, I became obsessed with what life would be like if he died. I couldn't imagine any joy or anything that would make it worth living. Just endless emptiness and misery. I had a nervous breakdown because of this. I went into therapy and began taking antidepressants/anti-anxiety meds, and this has helped considerably. Until today. Now I feel like all of that has been undone and I'm spiraling toward another breakdown. The soonest I can see my therapist is next Tuesday.

Just feeling panicked and lost right now. And confused. And angry. I texted my mother-in-law, whom we're both very close to, and told her. Possibly not the best move but I felt I needed to let someone else in the family in on what's happening.

Anyway. I digress. Do you think that a person saying they're not sure they want to be alive any more is the same as being suicidal? How should I interpret a statement like this? What should I do?