I think many of us here on the forum have faced those same feelings - there have been many, many days that I wonder why I keep going. I mentioned, once earlier on this forum, when I asked my T why suicide is frowned on so by others and his response was the "missed opportunities" and that made sense. Think of any of those things that you might enjoy sometimes - if you weren't alive you would not have that pleasure. But, still, if given the ability to "will myself to die" without being suicide, without harming any of those I love, I would do it. But - and this is a big but - it would harm those I love if I were not alive, especially if I did it to myself. I feel I am not on this planet to do harm to others or to the planet so I am stuck with living until my time is up, whether or not I like it. I am hopeful that my new antidepressant will work and relieve me of the feeling of wanting to die.