Thank you so so much both of you for your replies ! It feels good and in some way calmes me down to know ,that there are people listening to you and trying to help you 😌
Jimi you are absolutely right! I have to believe and trust in what the pdocs told me ! It's just so hard to be honest. I go there and I feel much better after that ! I then know that I probably really suffer anxiety and ocd! But all the time I start to feel better the "what if" questions just pop in my head ! Like "what if the pdoc misdiagnosed me?"
"What if I just missed to tell something very important? Something that will prove that I become schizophrenic ?"
"What if I have enough insight because of my research on the Internet and because of that I can yet distinguish between what is real and what is not ?"

It's like my brain doesn't allow me to feel good !

Mama pajama it feels great to read about somebody who made it overcome this horrible fear! I deal with that kind of fear for nearly 2 years nowand at the moment it feels like I have to live with that for the rest of my life ! From the deepest of my heart I just wish that one day I can say that I could overcome this huge fear without went crazy !