It may just be where I am right now. I'm frozen in an event that I don't know the end of. I went away. Dissociated from it. Split.

I can see the events that happen up to a certain point and then it goes away.

The thing is. I'm stuck here. I'm seeing the video of it until it shuts off. Now. In this moment, it's cycling itself and I have no ending to the moment/event.

It could be me thinking the worst case, don't want to go there. I would love to imagine that I really
know what happened and it was not as bad as my heart imagines.

There is something inside that is very afraid. I really don't know how to rationalize that out.

So, the idea that EMDR could make this REAL to me in a moment of time HERE. It's a bit disturbing.

I truly want knowledge and understanding. Just not sure what it would look like in that moment.

I had a flashback with my counselor and I didn't realize it until a few days later. The pieces came together and it took me weeks to get myself back together.

I feel like I'm babbling but that is what is going through my head.

I want to. For freedom. I'm afraid. For the consequences.

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