I took more risperdal again last night, am at 1.5 now for 2 days. I feel the most clear and connected I've felt in awhile. I had the obsession some yesterday but not as much. I really feel like I slept the last couple nights. I did not win last night (jackpot!) but I did have a couple small wins. This morning I have already thought of making this a hobby, not a life purpose. It got that way for a little while. I'm definately not manic today, I don't even think hypo low-grade. I'm just me today, is how it feels.

Once again, risperdal to the rescue. Short-term at least. I have tried to pull myuself off it several times, it does not work. I've tried lower doses, it does not work for very long. I was on 0.5 when I got manic several weeks ago. And now am taking 3 times that for a couple nights after doubling it for a week or so I don't remember. I just know I feel way different today, and in a "my brain and body are in the same plane, not in two seperate worlds today.

I think I can win the lottery still but am more interested in smaller prizes often, than thinking that if I don't win, that social services in town will collapse, because they needed the millions I was going to imminently give with the foundation I was starting. Dispersed by the 10 member council I had 'created'. It's almost kind of funny now. But not.

I will say again, I feel sooo much better today and my sleep the last two nights is awesome. Thanks,