Hope26, (((hugs))) I completely understand! If it helps I had my fear for around 7 years. Like I said I have a close family member that ever since I was a child was convinced that another person was reading her mind and would put words in her head. She did get diagnosed with it 5 years ago too. So when I was old enough to learn about schizophrenia and having a close family member that has it makes a person more susceptible, I was beyond terrified of it. Like you, I obsessed about every single thought and all the "what ifs?"

After reading up on it and talking with others, the fear has vanished. Don't google symptoms of schizophrenia" instead Google "fear of developing schizophrenia" you will see how anxiety can mimic the same symptoms but they are definitely two different things. Having a lot of knowledge on schizophrenia does not make you more likely to develop it. If that were true than think of all the Drs and therapists, nurses, that would've developed it. Schizophrenia usual develops in early teenage years, not your 20's. Schizophrenics do not believe there's anything wrong with them. The very fact that you are obsessing about it is proof that you are not in danger of developing it. When I had my kids I had sooo many racing thoughts that I thought were horrible. Like "omg what if I black out and smother my kids?" The very fact that I had those thoughts made me think I must be a horrible person. They are just thoughts, nothing more. I feel like I was miserable for the first couple years of my kids lives and I look back and wish I would of enjoyed everything more. I was really helped by reading up on anxiety the most. I really like CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy.

I think there could be a connection between your panic attacks and having your second child. I know my mind wouldn't stop racing after I had my kids. I'm sure it was due to the hormones and whatnot.

Good luck to you hon!