Hi Stronger,

I wanted to reach out because I'm in an uncannily similar situation. I've struggled with anorexia and major depression for 11 years and have been in and out of treatment centers and hospitals for most of them. I'm 6 months into a shaky recovery with my ed but got beaten down two months ago by a horrendous depressive episode. My team and I were shocked to see just how bad my depression was on its own and I realized that I had been medicating my depression all of these years by starving and purging. I was hospitalized two weeks ago and it only made me worse. I stopped eating there simply out of desperation to feel better. Since I've been home its been such a struggle not to turn back to anorexia. But I have to remind myself that while starving or purging feeling makes them disappear in the short-term, it actually just makes the whole situation, physically & mentally, worse and more complicated. I've been on 12 different meds over the years and nothing helps, so I get that it makes you even more desperate for something to turn to.

So I clearly don't have the answer for you, but it's so important to try and turn to ed as little as possible. I feel for you and am wishing you strength and resilience.