We can't predict the future. We won't know what we will enjoy until we experience it. We can assume but somethings are worth experiencing rather than assuming what it is like and passing up on the opportunity.

Your second comment I find myself struggling with a lot. Rationally we shouldn't be the cause or source of anyone elses happiness or sadness (provided we are not harming that person). We exist and develop relationship because it feels good. We want to bond with people and feel part of a group. I think the majority of people that survived evolution has this quality.

I think in a healthy relationship your partner can bring joy to your life but that doesn't mean that your partner is responsible for your happiness. I think for things to work in a relationship you have to have boundaries and understanding.

In my marriage one of the boundaries is my depression. I wish it wasn't the case but my wife cannot cope when I let out all of the depressing and pain that I'm going through. I wish it wasn't there but it's a boundary. I try to get support from other places. I have to respect it and I try not to overwhel her. We love each other and our child. I struggle be living it but we have fulfilling lives.

Being open with your partner is something that should happened. Even if they can't be there or understand it is good to have that honesty. Your results may differ in your relationship. I wouldn't worry about making someone sad. Lots of things in life happen that make you sad or happy. I think if you found the right relationship you won't have to worry about this. You have an illness and it isn't anyone fault. As long as your partner is understanding and doesn't feel like she/he has to fix it then I think it is healthy. I'm sure you have a lot of good qualities and you may make someone else very happy to have you in their life.

I have a friend with depression. She struggled a long time. Her illness didn't prevent her from having a family, finding love and making a lot of good memories. She struggles, but that doesn't mean that she should be alone.

If you want a relationship be open to the idea. Don't let your depression prevent you. The more I get alone and isolate the worse my depression gets. You deserve to be cared about and there are people out there that would be happy to have you in their life. You just have to be willing to look and take chances.