I don't know whats quite up with me...yesterday I was over the moon with happiness...then despair!...I went to bed at 7.30 last night because I couldn't cope with life....this morning I was so agitated and feel so alone...by myself....on the outside...I got to T and started to say how I didn't really want to be there today...how I feel EVERYONE around me has changed including her...she asked me how she had changed? Of course I couldn't answer that in real time because take a thought out of my head and it looses its power....I then said how I've spent my life wondering how people would even want me and now its like I see how much my neediness has played into other peoples hands...T said its like Ive completely flipped...I've gone from fantasing everybody is doting on to no one being there and when she said whats the real relationships?...I got so angry I didnt want to explore whats real...I dont want any thing!....I asked her if we could end early I want to go home...she said she couldn't force me to stay...I said good then I'm going home and I left and I've drove home and feel such rage!....I dont want to admit I am acting like a 2yr old throwing a tempertantrum and dont anyone give me a LOL reply because I just couldnt stand that right now...I don't know what this rage is about...maybe because I've always manipulated people to get what I want/need and I'm angry at myself for doing this but won't admit it so am blaming it on other people not being who I thought they were? ..I'm angry because I am so hot headed and so quick to anger and I am angry because I can't find a the centre of anything it hurts to much to have to find the sensible solution..its to hard I can't do it...I couldnt bear having T push me to work today...I don't feel like I want to do that internal struggle to find the REAL in anything ....oh what is wrong with me?