Yes, I feel that way from time to time, I have learned that this feeling comes from a destructive cycle, it's like my brain is sabotaging me ! It's coming from the perspective of the little kid I was who learned to be very careful, walking on eggshells, and afraid of being something more than what the psychologically damaged caregivers who were teaching me told me I should be.
I learned that when I believe that voice I feel and act like that kid, I radiate that belief and it draws more of the same from everyone and everything around me.
If I believe that soon I'm treading water and drowning in it. I want to change, I am not that kid, I have my own life, no one is going to rescue me, only myself. Whether I have to be alone or not! It's better to be alone and healing and in charge of my own life, than enmeshed in another toxic relationship that I attract to me in my brokenness.
I'm sad sometimes, I'm lonely sometimes, but, I believe that I am working towards the day when I won't be, I'm working towards the day when I won't have this hanging over my head like a veil of shame that doesn't belong to me.
I'm learning new things that I am interested in, I'm trying to keep busy, I'm changing my life, one day at a time. And the day will come when someone who gets me, someone who is healthy and awake and alive will want to join me because that's what I want to be, that's what I'm growing to be.
I'm not digging up something the opposite of what you are saying, I'm saying, have strength- all of you. We're not alone, even if we are temporarily by ourselves. . . Look for the truth everywhere, anything that leads you to feel like you are less than infinitely full of possibilities is part of the lie.

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