I don't think I can do the stairs yet and I have an appointment to go to the PCP to get the gabapentin filled. I'm really afraid. There's nothing new I need from them. Unless they want to give me benzos or pain pills. And if I think those things would work, then alcohol probably would too. But I'm afraid to drink. Actually just a mouthful of alcohol might work, to erode the terror. It might be too much though.

I'm afraid they will not refill the gabapentin and the withdrawals from that are really bad. The crushing headaches, the vertigo, the pain in my feet and hands. I can't go through that. I'm so afraid. What can I do? I've been on gabapentin for almost 16 years straight. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go IP again.

I'm really OK with not going out. I do get sad that I can't be out in the sun. Or breathe fresh air. But without anyone to help I don't think I can do it.