never mind, it is getting worse. worse and worse, as the day goes on.

i still have trouble believing it's back to this. to being alone. i've come to terms with it but i don't like it at all. this is the life i swore i'd kill myself before returning to. the loneliest of existences. being unloved and unwanted by all, and the ones who say they love you are always lying. god**** it i thought i had it all. i had the best thing ever. 4 months of happiness... just gone. is that all i'm going to get, 4 ****ing months? will i never have love again?? it feels that way. i feel peculiar in a way i do not like, and it's been getting worse throughout the day. it feels like everything is wrong, i can't escape it, can't distract myself as everything looks unappealing and dreadfully bleak, and there's nothing at all to look forward to. no hope. oh god. i need someone to be here and hold me, physically, but there is no one to do that. there is never anyone to hold me when i need it. i need someone to physically be there, hold me and let me cry and maybe even bring me something nice and soft like a kitten or something like a cup of tea or chocolates, anything comforting. i desperately need to be comforted. that's all i need, or even want for that matter. but there's no one. no one. no one, for the rest of my life. it's all i need. i know there's always the lovely people on pc, and i appreciate everyone here, but it's not enough anymore. i'm sorry.