i think that one notion is that anger / frustration just is a response to ones needs not being met. you have had many needs... and you did everything you could to get them met. when you were a kid that meant putting on a happy or brave face and expressing extreme dependency etc etc etc. and... it really sucks that you felt like you needed to do that. and it really sucks that that need didn't get met.

and... it would be really understandable if (at times) you felt like pushing people away too. because people can indeed be frustrating. and caring about them can hurt.

hang in there...

this too shall pass...