Hello uiillini: Welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you have been confronted with such a confusing & disturbing situation. I guess maybe there are different ways to look at this. One might be that your gf just never saw your relationship in the same light you did. So she just doesn't consider what she plans to do to be a big deal. Another way to look at it is that sex is just sex. It's no big deal especially under the circumstances she's in. (Most people, I think, would have a difficult time buying into that concept. But there certainly are people who do.)

The question that this raises though is... if she'll do this... what does that say about what type of relationship you could expect to have going forward. The really sad part of it all, of course, is that you threw everything away for this relationship & this is how it's ending up. I know you wrote you feel like killing yourself. But please try to hang in there. Hopefully continuing to post, here on PC, can help.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!