Thanks everyone! It just hurts so damn much. I am on a holiday with my parents(I'm 40) and am surrounded by beauty and things to do but feel dead inside, cry and am suicidal. Thought this holiday would lift my mood, well hoped. Now I don't know what I'm going to do when I get home in 36 hours. All hope will be lost. The agitation is awful too. Think I'm still in a mixed state.