So here I am, I'm from Michigan and currently in Denver Colorado. For the past 6 months I've been planning to hike the Colorado trail which is a 486 mile trail. However as time went by and I gathered all the gear. I did a few day hikes some good some bad. But it didn't really give me any of the experience I need for this trip.

However all of this planning went wayside when I boarded the train and it's been going down hill since then. It's been less then 48 hours and I'm already too scared I won't be able to do this and in all likelihood I don't have a chance of finishing this hike due to my lack of preparedness. I've only done a few day hikes that weren't even at altitude. Just walking to the hotel with my gear was difficult and that was only a mile on a road. On the trail I should be doing at least 10 miles daily to resupply in towns without running out of food. However I really have no clue what 7 days with of food is besides my goal of 1.5 to 2 pounds a day. Which every hiking place suggests.

The one thing I'm at least able to pull from this trip be it a failure or a miracle is I see I have a problem with failure and shaming myself for anything I'm not good at. I really hope I may just snap out of all of this when I'm on the trail but I'm worried that all I'll have are these thoughts festering inside me for until I either finish this trip or I bail out early.

I wish I understood why I have this shaming motive for myself. I don't know but I don't think I can return knowing I have failed myself and wasted over 500 dollars in travel expenses and even more in gear. Especially since I still live with my parents and I know they will be disappointed in me as well. But this is my first real trip alone and it was probably a bad idea from the start. So maybe they will be okay with this failure if I at least mange a day or two out here.

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