The crisis with my son is over for now and I am moving forward. Still making sure I am in contact with my son but trying not to be suffocating. Not easy. I have a chance to work but every time I try to make the move I withdraw. I mean withdraw, like don't leave the house, don't food shop, don't talk to anyone. So I than ignore the idea of having to go back to work and I feel safer more in control. Sometimes I actually forget that I need to work. Than I remember and all the fear and anxiety come flooding back. The biggest issue is having to go on particular days. I keep thinking that what if I can't leave the house that day. Than I call in or just don't show up. I struggled with this for about two years before I got laid off. Sometimes I would call in sick and just sit in the house feeling safe. I used to be able to over ride these fears and reactions but I started losing it about two years before I lost my job. It was a real struggle. But I need to work. But just the thought of having to be somewhere, I just freeze, filled with fear and not even thinking of a way out. I just want to be left alone. I just want everything to be quite. Rally quite and still