Ok I'm sure you've gotten a lot of good insite so far, but here is my 2 cents.
There is a fine line between not wanting to live and wanting to kill yourself. (I know it is a line I walk). So let me put it this way....being suicidal means you want to take active measures to end your life. Not wanting to live means you are not going to take active measures to prolong your life.

Your average person will take cover when a tornado comes along. Someone who doesn't want to live any more won't bother wasting their time. After all what's the worst that could happen? I live? Often times though not wanting to live can lead to suicidal thoughts and sometimes actions as well. For me on a good day if a tornado siren goes off I ignore it. On a bad day it is taking every bit of energy I have not to take immediate action to kill myself.

Your husband sounds like he is dealing with some heavy crap right now & trying to work it out on his own the best he can. He has his reasons for not wanting to seek "professional" help. There is nothing you can do to make him get it. He has to want the help himself & sometimes it's a lot more difficult than just "wanting" help.

I know this isn't really what you wanted to hear but it is the truth & it is what you need to know. You have to make a decision at this point of if you want to stick by his side through this entire ordeal.

I wish you the best. I know it's not easy.