Oh my dear T. I transferred all of our emails into one document tonight and I read them all again. I cannot quite believe you are still around to be honest. You have heard the same things from me time and time again, how I want to work, who and how I want you to be and how I cannot believe you would be there for me. And yet you still are, in that way, but you don't tell me that.

It has left me feeling sorry for making you go through it all week after week; ashamed at my inability to trust you; infuriated at your distant closeness; scated that because you won't say it it isnt true; grateful for your patience and very happy that you are being who and how I want you to be.

That's a lot for me and I don't know what to do with it apart from go with the flow for a bit while everything seems to be fairly stable. I mean seriously, you would have to be pretty dense to have not got it by now, and you are not dense so you must get it. The fact that you are still here and being who I need you to be must mean that you are happy with that? Let's jump on the raft and go for a ride, shall we?