Quote:
Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987
It is hard and so expensive. After my horrible ending with the bad therapist who i stupidly saw for 7 years I saw another one for about 7 months (it ended because he moved away) and he had only a couple of years of experience. He seemed so much more caring and open and accepting and humble. I think if it hadn't ended after that amount of time it might have been more helpful to me. I don't know. I live in a very rural area and there just aren't any therapists now to see.
I wish there was some way to get better matches.
|
Me too, Puzzle Bug. What's even harder... there seem to be so many ways that therapy can go wrong. My last T was probably a great therapist. He wasn't defensive, and he was willing to admit when he didn't know things. He did his own ongoing therapy and supervision, despite being in practice for more than 20 years. He wasn't a blank slate, he was willing to answer questions, but also careful to not use my therapy for his own therapeutic needs.
But he wasn't a good therapist *for me*. I felt like he shut me down sometimes without meaning to, and even though I tried to bring it up, we never really got to the same page. And, he didn't have any real training (afaik) with the stuff I needed, so that made it harder.
I do think that, if you can mange (I find it hard), asking hard questions up front to see how they react is one way to determine how much of their own work they've done. I saw one (for 2 sessions) who, when I asked her about "phase oriented therapy" - she responded with, "I've been doing this longer than you've been alive." OMG! I wasn't even trying to trip her up, somebody had recommended phase-oriented therapy to me, and I hadn't heard of it, I was hoping she could talk to that. Had she just said, "Hm, I've never heard it called that, but here's how I work in phases..." I could have lived with that. Even if she had just said, "weird, I've never heard of that. Sorry, I can't help you there."
But she took something that wasn't intended to be an attack, and got incredibly defensive. Big red flag for me. I really need someone who has a bit more internal stability and non-reactivity (I'm reactive enough, I need a stable person as my therapist!).
That was actually one thing that my old T really had going for him, he projected super stability, like a big, un-moveable rock!
I'm really sorry to hear about the 7 years with the bad one. It really is hard to know. My first therapist... again was a terrible match for me (but hard to say if he was a terrible therapist in general). Terrible counter transferance going on, he thought I hated him
, but he kicked me out after a year... so I guess, as awful as that was, it's good that I didn't stick around longer.
Glad you got to see the better one, sorry it ended... I can't imagine how much harder it is in a rural area. I'm in a large metro area, and still feel like it's slim pickings to find someone good.
Did you see the article posted awhile ago about the therapist who had a therapist-referral service (up near NYC, I think)? He personally met with and knew everyone that he referred to, and met with potential clients to find out not just their logistics (insurance, time preferences, etc) but to get to know them and their issues, so he could basically be a matchmaker. I think he had a success rate around 97-98% ! I wish we had someone like that here, it would be SO worth!
Thanks...
