My problem is that I dissociate a lot. Whether its depersonalization, the times where I feel like nothing's real, to missing time all together. It's like having this weird amnesia about the last few minutes to the last hour. Honestly, I've missed an entire day. I have to rely on others to tell me what happened. I tend to get more volatile during these and more suicidal. No, I don't have to remember the hell I went through during these times but I also have to worry about what I did. It scares the crap out of me. At the same time, when I don't dissociate and I get to remember and go through everything, I do find myself begging to at least forget. Double edged sword, I guess. Best of luck, hope you have better days.