DD,

I'm with shattered sanity on this, at least right now.

I don't think that there's any coming out of this one. I don't care any longer. Last year, when this started again, I had hope that things could get better once again. Therapy, drugs, even ECT again.

Nothing has improved. I've tried the CBT power of positive thinking stuff and it doesn't make a difference. It feels like lies. I can lie enough to get by - to my case manager, my therapist - but I can't lie to myself. The pretending is tiresome but the worst thing is that it is false, it is a lie, it's not me.

I don't know how to be true and face reality at the same time.

No, I couldn't do it. But it sounds as if it might work for you.

Good luck.