((HUGS)) Sounds like you need a fresh start. You can do it. Look for ways to start anew, but of course grieving the loss of people in your life and other aspects of your life is normal and necessary. Do you have a good therapist? Maybe find a support group to go to?
__________________
...Out of night and alarm
Out of terrible dreams
Reach me your hand!
This is the meaning that we suffered in sleep:
The white peace of the waking.
~Edna St. Vincent Millay, "Song of the Nations"~
Diagnoses: Bipolar 2, OCD, Chronic Worrywart 
Meds: Lithium (reducing), Trileptal, Latuda, Risperdal, Klonopin and Xanax PRN
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