This is a bit of a long post, but there's a lot of backstory here. I met my best friend in college; we hit it off immediately and kind of fell into a relationship. About two months in, she told me she was gay, and we ended the relationship but remained friends. Over the years we have grown closer, and about a year and a half ago we moved in together… and we have been the perfect roommates until about two months ago.

She started a new job and was working 50 - 60 hours a week. About this time, I started noticing some issues… well, I had been noticing small things for almost a year, but now they were getting bigger and more noticeable: basically, my autistic symptoms seemed to be getting worse, and new ones were developing. I talked to my doctor, after some questionnaires and medical tests, the result was that my autism is indeed getting worse… which is not supposed to happen, but apparently can in someone with a history of concussion and brain trauma.

So my friend started making friends at work and making plans with them that mostly involved partying and drinking, and I really never had a chance to talk to her about what was happening with me, because we would see each other for maybe 10 minutes a day except on Sunday when she was usually hung over. Then I had a friend and an aunt die within two days of each other… and my friend still kept to her partying… even though I had by this time been able to tell about the medical news and how scared I was. On the same day I told her about the first funeral, she was upset I wasn't happy for her because she had a gotten a boyfriend. (Yes, my lesbian friend who I marched beside in marriage equality rallies and pride parades now dates guys.)

I've been pretty upset, but Thursday, my friend said she knew I needed to get out and de-stress, and asked if I wanted to go bowling with her and a couple of her work friends Saturday night. Now, because of my autism, there is a lot I can't handle because of sensory overload… I don't go out much because of the lighting, noise, crowds… the list goes on. Also, I am 11 years sober, so bars and clubs aren't really my thing anyway. But bowling sounded okay… I actually like to bowl, and it was a small group, so I accepted the invitation.

So we drive to a town 30 miles away, pick up one of her friends, stop at a restaurant… and then we go to a bar. I spent nearly 4 hours all told on the verge of autistic meltdown from sensory overload… the way this manifests for me is so similar to a panic attack that I was diagnosed with panic disorder prior to being diagnosed with aspergers. I was able to call my brother who picked me up (he also lives roughly thirty miles away from this place) and took me home.

My friend acted surprised that this place had this effect on me… despite knowing that I am autistic and in recovery. She said she thought she told me that the bowling alley actually meant the bar next door to the bowling alley. It was only after I was home that I remembered her putting socks in her purse before we left specifically to wear with the bowling shoes. Even one of the guys we met at the bar kept asking why we weren't bowling.

When she made the invitation, she said she might ask me to drive home because she might have a couple of drinks at the bowling alley… I didn't think anything of this because many bowling alleys do serve drinks. Now I feel as if I was misled because she wanted a designated driver… or… I honestly don't know why… but my needs, my sobriety, my condition seemed to mean nothing to her at all. And it's honesty got me questioning the friendship altogether.