I am sorry things have not worked for you. When I am really down I find it difficult to do CBT or DBT or any of the cognitive therapies.

I understand what you mean about truth and lies. If I am thinking a positive thought sometimes there is a little voice in my head that chuckles and says, "Oh, doing that "faking it until you make it" thing again?"

However, I am alone, I need to get back to full-time work. I am alone, with no one to depend on emotionally or financially, so until such a time comes that I am like a clock that has just wound down, I must create a life.

Believe me, I do understand where you are coming from.

But I really have no choice in the matter. I must survive and create a life, and no one (and I do mean no one) cares if I spend every day in deep mental despair, or if I strive for a more light-hearted approach.

I reached out this year and was met with some hard truths. Even the closest friends and relatives were a little more than patronizing and skimpy in their support. I find the whole mental health care system a joke.

In the end we are alone and whether or not our suffering has meaning, or our happiness brings pleasure is of very little consequence.

We are, I believe, a part of a whole....a bigger picture than we can see, and we must do our part, until our little part is finished.

I don't think what I am suggesting here is impossible, although it is difficult. And that is what cognitive behavior therapy is based on. It isn't rocket science. It is turning the mind one thought at a time.

Cider guy, you being a very good writer, understand this.