I have had my Prozac increased which seems to be managing my ups and downs better, and my husband seems relieved. I always fight with this drug because I get "numb". Ultimately I need relief and I am going to take numb at this time. I am mad at myself for not taking my daily walks.....I want to start journaling, and am trying to grow. Growing is hard because it requires work and sometimes I am lazy and don't want to. I struggle with my self esteem as it waivers between being very high and then very low which is odd....My job is my main source of real life interaction. I often wonder if anyone there truly likes me the way they say they do...I am the supervisor so no one is going to be rude you know....I feel like they just butter me up but I am susceptible to this. I try to be a fair boss but I know this is a weakness.
As a nurse I want to help everyone, I have too much empathy. I am working on making myself harder and tougher and that waivers like my self esteem, it vacillates between extremes of not caring and caring so much I want to die.
My emotions are not the simple "up and down" that all the books say. It is so much more.....so hard to describe.