I have been in such a depression lately. I could name a million things going on but its not worth the space of typing it. This weekend i wasted all the time i should have been studying being destructive. The hours just flew by from 4pm to 2am!! I couldnt stop. If i stopped. I knew i'd cry. What is wrong with me?? Today i am so spaced out that i dont feel real. I don't feel anything.

I think im sad cuz i may not see my family for thanksgiving. Part of it is by choice. Part not my choice. Long story. There is just so much self destruction inside me that maybe something has turned off so it will subside for a while. Its just wierd not feeling me. one thing that helps is talkin to ppl... ppl help me feel real... im rambling now.