In therapy today I realized that a big reason as to why I don't want to stop cutting is not because of the emotional release part, but because it is so much a part of me... and making some contract as to where I have to stop doing it makes me feel like a big piece is missing.

I told T that there is something completely controlled about being out of control.

He said we won't set a contract right there in session, but anytime I feel like I need a mini-contract like we did on Wednesday, to call him and let him know.

It was a really good session.

We even analyzed one of my poems. The whole thing.

I find myself missing him and needing him very much right now.