I don't know that I have a set answer to this question. It's been different at different points of my life...

As a teenager, when first entering therapy, I stayed with my first therapist. In retrospect, she was not the right fit. It wasn't that she did anything wrong, but she wasn't what I needed at the time. She was lax and tended to take things at face value. And, for me, that meant that she was untrustworthy. She failed to act on my behalf in regard to abuse I was experiencing. Again, it wasn't intentional and I do not fault her. But, she was also not effective for me.

Many of my other therapists and dietitians were part of treatment programs I was in. Most of the time, I settled for whoever I was assigned to. Sometimes it worked out and sometimes it did not. I didn't really believe I deserved help so it was easy to go with it regardless of whether it was a fit. However, a few years ago, that changed. I was assigned an individual therapist in a treatment program who was completely wrong for me. I asked to switch on multiple occasions and was consistently told she was, in fact, the right person to work with. In the end, she did great damage. She was cerebral while I am emotional. She made assumptions and never addressed my true issues because her ideas or thoughts took precedent. I wound up leaving the program (my 3rd go-round) to return to residential treatment. What happened the day before I left to return to a higher level of care was awful - she told me that I was kicked out of the program she ran and could not return following treatment. Mind you, this was treatment she felt I did not need and she made her opinion known. She tried to stop me from going and made me question myself. Thank goodness I didn't listen to her as I was in serious condition when I showed up in residential and they wound up admitting me to the medical hospital for 2 weeks before I was even able to return to the program.

That situation scarred me and I waited a long time before returning to therapy. I came across a website for a counseling group and made an appointment. Initially, I liked my therapist. I felt cared for and heard. But, she was inconsistent at best. And, in retrospect, there were red flags galore. When I shared a diagnosis with her, she was dismissive and shaming. Not overtly, but it was there. In time, she pulled back and made me feel as though there was something wrong with me when I struggled or didn't immediately accept her reassurances. She would consistently tell me that she didn't understand me and made me feel guilty and as though I was a failure. She was punishing and would use my attachment to her as leverage. She would tell me all the time that she typically wouldn't see someone as "sick" as I was and would threaten to stop therapy all the time. Indeed, I need residential or inpatient care, but my insurance will not pay and I have no other resources accessible. But, she knew my issues with abandonment and I became fearful of being honest. She also cancelled frequently - from January to March, when I ended, she cancelled half of the sessions we were set to have. I decided to leave at that point.

My current T was a referral from my dietitian. I struggle with trusting her and attaching to her as I have had some bad experiences in the recent past. But, she is proving to be who and what I need in this moment. My current dietitian was one that I saw in treatment programs and who is now in private practice. I had a poor experience with my previous dietitian, but who I currently work with is the absolute best fit. I consider myself fortunate to have the right treatment team on board. But, it didn't happen without believing that I deserved more than what I was being given by previous providers.

Sometimes, you know right away that you've found the right person. Sometimes, you don't know what you were missing until you have it. And, sometimes, it's a shot in the dark and you have to keep shooting to find what you need. I guess it's different for everyone, but that has been my experience.