Wow, it sounds like maybe she wasn't as good of a friend as you thought she was in the beginning? The fact that she KNOWS about your sobriety, and that she also knows about your autism, yet she didn't care about either, and invited you to a bar anyways are obvious red flags.

It does sound like she misled you into believing that you would be going bowling with her. And you're probably right about her wanting a sober driver. And the fact that she didn't care about trying to console you after the death of a friend and an aunt is another red flag that's even more troubling and disturbing.

It sounds like she is party person and that she has a different way of dealing with things then you do. She's more of the fun party type, and you're more serious. The fact that she changed her sexual preference isn't a big deal. Once someone comes out, they don't have stick to being that way permanently. If they're not sure of things, maybe just state that they're bi instead of a lesbian to avoid confusion maybe? Idk. That to me would not matter that much.

Those other things are definite red flags. IF she is a good responsible roommate who pays her rent on time and who obeys your rules, then fine, keep her as a roommate if you like. If not, then find another roommate.

If I were you, I'd talk to her about how you feel. If she listens, great, if not, then it's time to let her go. Especially if this isn't the first time that she's disappointed you. Talk to her in private with no one around.

Let her know as calmly as you can that you were expecting her to be more supportive of you when you were grieving and that it hurt you when she wasn't there for you. Also make it clear to her that you are serious about staying sober and that you have no interest in going to bars. Let her know that you were fine with bowling, but when that invite changed, you weren't OK with things.

Tell her if that is she indeed needed a d.d that night, then she should've asked another friend out, or that she should call Lyft or Uber next time for a ride home. Don't let yourself be used by people. They'll just keep on using you again again if you let them get away with their bad behaviour.

Whatever you do, it's best for your to keep emotional distance from her. She is not what I'd call a good friend anymore. Sorry to say that, but she isn't. She sounds immature and selfish to me. You deserve better friends than that. You shouldn't settle for friends due to having issues.