I was intending to feel better today. And in some ways I do I've had some good laughs several times. hypomanic gitty type stuff. It's kind of great. I also spent some time with my mom. I ate lunch. If I am offering my clinical opinion, I am in a mixed episode bipolar 1 rapid cycling in past year. I going from practically being motionless to up and dancing to music. Mostly on the slow side the other is only periodically. I think I'm typing better than I have been. Actually because I said that I am typing a lot faster and sitting upright. I've been taking 400mg lamictal and 2mg risperdal for 2 days. I would think this slowing-down of thought and body is related to that, but it was present prior. I would think that the next stage is going to be sleep for most of a couple days. I've tried to nap many times and it actually energizes me a lot for a good 15 minutes and I don't ever actually fall asleep. I slept last night about 7 hours. My mind does go blank at times and I stop mid-sentence. I'm thinking this will stop soon but I did think that yesterday as well. It is better in some respects. And or I'm more accustomed to it so can respond better. I am in no suffering at all. And I still maintain that this bout of mania I had recently was healing and preventing any further suffering, now or any time in the future. I did do the number for a small time yesterday. They are not with me the way they were before. I don't know how describe it. One day the numbers came to me, and then they left about what turned out to be a month later. I don't really understand them anymore, not like I did. My goals are to sleep 8 hours tonight and ideally quite a bit more would be ideal. To eat. It's like I want to fall asleep and have do, just sitting up but then I also am not able to really stop my mind whihc isn't racing really it just turns off and on. Which would actually correlate with the code that I talked about before. Of the off and on. I may still be in it in some aspects but this mania was the best thing to ever happen to me. It healed everything and explained a significant amount of things that will help me in the future. I'm thinking I'm both manic and severly depressed at the same time. And it will clear, and I'll have euthymia again. Quite boring.