hey.. time is so weird... im still going to try to distance myself..
but last night seems so far away and i just wanted to ask a little question.. if anyone knows..
well, im still going to try not to ramble so much -

only going to ask here because i dont have anyone else i can ask and honestly im a bit afraid to just come right out and ask the therapist about something like this because i dont want her to get the wrong idea.. but if i do take the journal in like she wanted then maybe it will come up anyway - just a little embarrassed about the contents because it seems to contain intimate thoughts that never come out anywhere else, plus its just a mess in some pages..

i looked at some of my older posts again it can be disturbing to go back and read something you wrote and dont remember.. so embarrassing
sorry that i get weird alot... appreciate not being ridiculed for being a wacko...
apparently a few months ago i started reading/looking into a bunch about DID.. sometimes i can get pretty obsessive over soaking information up...
its kind of something that happens i cant really help, but thats not the point here..

well... i have this idea in my head of what DID is and i was just wondering if someone could clarify a little

a severe form of dissociation in which ones psyche separates and goes in different directions to confront different scenarios with dissociated identities... identity just being the way we perceive ourselves, the dissociation separating the different self perceptions so that one can take on the role of the other completely to handle the scenario..? being aware or not aware of the other identities? or aware of even switching..?

does this cause a constant fogg? dissociated state or something..?
which gets worse periodically?

also.. if its still dissociation.. does that mean that it involves the same things as someone who just mildly dissociates and numbs things out, or spaces out and goes away in their mind, but the difference being that their identity isn't altered..? new role not taken on to take over during the dissociation..?

how do you gauge dissociation? dissociation in general can cause identity confusion right? but identity confusion doesnt mean DID, right?

also is it possible for someone to just not have a self identity? or maybe someone to not have an identity but pretend to have or become other identities so they dont feel empty...
that would be like borderline personality right..?

is it possible for someones identity to be like, everything?
like.. being polar opposites, and everything else, as a normal state without any type of disorder? like, could a person be extremely shy introverted and withdrawn.. but at the same time be extremely extroverted, outgoing and lively ... in a lot of pain and suffering, but also not? to be a drug addict/alcoholic and to not be able to stand drugs/alcohol? to me i would think not because thats how you define an identity right..?
that probably doesnt make any sense, im not sure how to ask..
i mean im guessing that anyone could take on a role and act any type of way they want... but what i mean is to actually be those things... without acting or trying to create it

what exactly is an identity?
and how do you identify your own identity?

i dunno, it sounds stupid to even ask - but someone once told me that the only stupid question is the question that is never asked....

just wondering....
sorry if this is mixed up, its difficult to focus... and im having a hard time trying to really formulate these questions.. im not completely here as usual..
just trying to make something feel better..
it gets a bit cluttered/messy in there, super confusing...
thanks..
hope everyone is well..

im just trying to get an understanding on dissociative disorders.. plus im confused about identities right now