I thinking I think I just needed T to be a humanbeing yesterday and not a T. I just wanted to be held by her. If I'd known that myself yesterday, maybe I could have told her.

Its the first time that I felt I didn't need her to do something for me, I wanted to be on my own and sort it out myself, memorys of how I sorted myself out during the break were there.

I was reading a book "Oneness and seperation" last night and it describes the fall to earth and the not wanting mum to "do to" me any more but to "do with" me..

I just wanted her to sit with me and not anaylise me..I felt I wanted to do it, I may get it wrong but I wanted to help me, which is followed by, ok I tried now I need to run back and have you help me again..

I keep going in and out of "need" dont' "need" I thought I'd have all the answers when I finshed T, now it seems I will just have the strenght and ablity to handle what I don't know. I guess thats a fair trade.