I learned how much my sexual fantasies aren't worth much at all to me. I finally had a 4some and it was a disaster to me and my gf. We both regret it, we both got closer from it because we finally both felt vulnerable and hurting.

I was raped alot and beaten alot and it started as mere performance anxiety to me wanting to stop but didn't have the heart to stop and she was hurting how it affected me and her. She did it for me at first I was mad at her, but later I wasn't mad at her it needed to be addressed and it hit a huge milestone in my level of intimacy for both of us, but I'm scared and stupid.

I lost my own self reliving my past and she comforted me and found out she was here for me even though she was getting screwed by the other guy the girl I wasnt into as of now I deleted my old dating profile and just felt turned off by sex for awhile I feel. As a guy or anything this was hard...